An Open Letter To Eric and Donald Trump Jnr

Hey boys!

Just wanted to congratulate you on your successful hunting trip to Zimbabwe.

Our papers have been full of pictures of you guys holding up dead leopards in a pink mist of vapourised waterbuck. You’re real heroes in these parts, let me tell you. There has been a bit of criticism, but it’s coming mainly from white bunny-hugging do-gooders who think wild animals are there to be photographed instead of destroyed like the vermin they are. Bloody liberals.

I see you managed to bag three of the Big Five. Well done! But what stopped you from going for a full house? You got the buffalo, elephant and leopard, but missed the rhino and lion. And you call yourselves Trumps? Just kidding.

I’m sure it’s not your fault. I bet the organisers of the hunt failed to tether them securely and they escaped before you could drive up and shoot them in the face.

Donald jnr, I particularly enjoyed the picture of you holding an elephant’s tail in one hand and a knife in the other. You can even see the legs of the elephant lying on the ground to prove that you got it off the animal and not from a curio shop.

I bet you also cut off its trunk and poked it through your zipper and pretended you had a giant willy. I certainly would have.

I liked the shot of you guys posing next to a crocodile strung up from a tree. It reminded me of those old pictures from your Deep South. Now that the darkies are off-limits, croc-lynching could be the next big thing in Alabama. Wanna be partners? You gun ’em down, I string ’em up.

By the way, did you know that we also have a Small Five that are tremendous fun to kill? Meerkats are my best. If you’re quick, you can run up and kick them before they bolt for cover.

Your brother, Eric, could have been waiting in an imaginary end zone to catch the flying ‘kat. Touchdown! American football, Africa style. What’s not to love?

Another of my favourites is the tortoise. Hunting tortoises is usually done when you have a hangover. I’m sure you had lots of those on your trip because the only way to survive Africa is to drink heavily while firing blindly into the night.

So what you do is set up your chair within shouting distance of a reliable servant – you don’t want to run out of Bloody Marys – and wait for a tortoise to come along.

Put your foot on his back to stop him from getting away. This is where it gets tricky. He will have retracted himself, making a clean head shot impossible.

Don’t shoot him in the shell if you plan on using him as a paper-weight. They shatter easily. Rather take a leaf out of your father’s book: cut off his lights and water and starve him out.

You said the local villagers were overjoyed at getting the meat from your hunt. And why wouldn’t they be? Leopard carpaccio garnished with a sprinkling of civet cat and drizzled with crocodile jus doesn’t appear on the menu in the Matetsi area all that often.

When I read that the hunt organisers were called Hunting Legends, I thought they were offering legends like President Robert Mugabe. Now there’s a trophy you should have on your wall.

But I suppose he would put up too much of a fight. Not that you lads aren’t bok for a fight. Far from it. A kudu is a hell of an adversary. You were just fortunate to come across one that was drugged.

To be honest, a lot of the game in southern Africa are on drugs these days. They also lack any real work ethic and spend most of the day sleeping. Smelly freeloaders. No wonder we kill them.

You were also lucky to have survived shooting a tusker. Many elephants, particularly in Zimbabwe, are known to explode without warning and, even from a distance of 300 metres, you could easily have lost a leg. Or worse, had your hair messed up. Gel is hard to come by in the bush.

I’m not much of a hunter myself, but I think I know why you boys enjoy it.

For a start, Eric is a girl’s name and he has a lot to prove. And your name is Donald jnr, and yet it is Eric who looks more like your father. No wonder you’re angry.

You said the money you paid for the hunt will be used to fund nature conservation in Zimbabwe. I presume by “fund nature conservation” you mean “arm Zanu-PF veterans”. That’s okay. We understand code in these parts. No names, no pack drill.

My wife, Brenda, says you’re both latent homosexuals. As my Uncle Pervy used to say, “Better latent than never.” Anyway, you’ll be happy to know that I beat her soundly for her insolence.

I must say, though, Eric, you do look pretty damn sexy with that leopard draped over your shoulders. It brings out your eyes.

And Donald jnr, seeing you straddling that dead buffalo makes doggie style seem positively Christian.

Y’all come back again!


42 thoughts on “An Open Letter To Eric and Donald Trump Jnr

  1. This is a demonstration of pure ignorance. I am Zimbabwean and the hunting industry here is the only reason animals still exist here. Without it there would be nothing. For the record I am not a hunter but I see the benefits of the industry clearly

      1. Very silly comment Ted Matthews. If you took the time to read the posts you would see my statement explained further on.

    1. Your reply is pure ignorance. The reason you have nothing is because you have a corrupt president that you keep voting into power. Why must the animals suffer for your stupidity?

      Remember when Zimbabwe was called the jewel of africa? Yeah you guys fucked it up.

      Keep your ignorance to yourself or go have a beer for a billion Zim dollars. Ass.

      1. Its not called a dictatorship because voted for the guy, numbskull.

        Secondly due to this being a dictatorship I am not at liberty to talk about the government any further for fear of my life. Which is lucky for you because I would have definitely further exposed your stupidity.

  2. Dear Paul, I am a Zimbabwean too and you are talking rubbish. As for Ben, I think that your sarcasm is wasted on these intellectually and emotionally challenged Trump boys with oversized egos.

    1. Ah come on Ken, at least justify your statement. Lol. Are you a vegan by any chance? I am open to discussion if you have one. Come on lets dance. LMFAO.

    1. Actually Cameron, it is. When something has a value it is protected. Why do you think cows are not extinct. They are very abundant but we kill them every day. Seriously, think about it. Also the Trumps are high profile people with a lot at stake, you don’t think that if they were doing something illegal they would be able to cover it up a bit better. Hundreds of people pay to hunt legally in Zimbabwe every year and don’t get this kind of abuse. The industry creates thousands of jobs earns the otherwise impoverished country good revenue. Hunting herebis carefully controlled by the private hunting sector and most anti poaching outfits are set up by the private hunters. Without hunting in Zimbabwe there would be no wildlife. I am not a fan of the Trumps by any manner but articles like this hurt the industry and Zimbabwe doesn’t need any of its industry unnecessarily jeapordised whilst it is tryingto recover from a decade of absolute economical chaos. Louis Theroux did a brilliant documentary on thehunting industry in South Africa. Start with this and give yourself an education.

  3. the Trump children should be ashamed of themselves. they bring shame on their families, their country, their ancestors and their unborn children should they have any.

  4. Hey Paul, I’m interested, how exactly does the hunting industry help the economy in Zim? Everyone else, think carefully about my question and in the words of a man named Paul (Not the Apostle), educate yourselves.

  5. I think this is your attempt to gain fame by taking on some Yanks having fun. If I was in their position, I would have done the same thing. I have travelled Africa extensively over the last 17 years, and I can tell you hat the local people in our beloved Africa has NO respect for the creation we so try to “protect”. Driving through Kafuyi Park in Zambia, I had an experiece where some local ran into the road with a lions head and hide in the one hand, and a 10 meter dryed tanned python hide in the other. As I stopped, another couple of guys appeared from nowhere with a 200kg tortoise and more animal skins. These were on sale for next to nothing. They told me that they killed and ate the meat of these animals themselves. These bushdwellers don’t care a hoot about you or any other activist and your cause.

    Well done! To the Trumps and all their huting blood hungry friends. When you come to Africa, you know you can just join in the African way of doing things. . .

    1. What kind of crazy logic suggests that because some locals behave in certain ways it is okay for foreigners to follow suit? What is a popular aberration in the U.S? Hmmm…. mall shootings seem to be quite popular, so by the same standard would it be okay for South Africans to go across and shoot the crap out of shoppers? If bloodthirsty, head hunting foreigners didn’t display such a passion for trophies, perhaps the market, and therefore the need to run into the road with dead animals wouldn’t be such an attractive option.

    2. Jennie, your story lost credibility when you mentioned the 200kg tortoise! We’re you mistaking Kafue for the Seychelles, Aldabra or Rodriguez islands. They don’t get that size on the mainland mate!

  6. I too am an African that has travelled extensively through this wonderful continent, everything about hunting and the arrogant, bravado display of man over what has been given to him to protect seems wrong. And yes I have heard all the arguments about kill the creatures to protect them, for their own good we say. But in the fave of all I have heard I still hate whaling even in the name of science. I can only hope that another generation will find the solution and save this planet and our continent from people like Paul and others. For the sake of us all.

  7. You’ve always been a master of parody, but putting these spineless misfits in their place as you did – I think you have just moved into the space in my mind marked “Reserved for Pedestal Holders”.

  8. Paul – I think you are missing the point entirely. We are saying hunting – in particular canned trophy hunting – should not be an industry it must be banned. There are other ways of conserving wildlife. It is man who puts species at danger. Nature has a way of looking after itself and it would be nice if generations to come could enjoy our wildlife in all its glory.

    1. Cheryl – I appreciate what you and everyone is saying but feel it is a very naive. In the real world only resources that hold commercial value are protected. Hunting provides that. One dies so that many live. Also due to the overpopulation of the planet, humans have encroached on the wildeness and condensed the wildlife into smaller areas. These areas have to be managed by us to allow the animals to thrive. Without management from us they tend to breed well but unfortunately overpopulate the areas and the end result is thatthey die off from starvation. National parks authorities then have to undertake drastic culling programs to counteract this overpopulation. This is both costly and wasteful. In a well managed hunting sytem only animals past their breeding age are considered and a maximum of2% of the population can be killed in a season. This simulates a much morenatural death rate than wouldotherwise be observed and as a result the populations of animals remain at a level that can be supported bythe environment. Its not a perfect system but unfortunately its the best system. The only better system perhaps would be to probably decrease the human population on this planet by going on a major killing spree and giving the land back to the animals. I am sure you will agreethat this is just not feasable. True animal rights activists should support that though. We created the problem, we need to fix it. I myself happen to be a conservationist and i have worked closely with the National Parks Authority her in Zimbabwe. I urge everyone to do a little more research on hunting and conservation before completely righting it off as bad. A good place to start wouldbe to do a search on wildlife management in America and how the sytem works. We, as a species, also need to address the diference between being ”green” and being sustainable. These are two completely different things an being ‘green’ often leads to more destruction of the environment. I will post more about hunting buffer zones and anti poaching if anyone is interested.

      1. Paul, thank you for your intelligent and informative response. I do think it would be better to cull the human population if they are the ones causing the problem. However, as you said, that is not feasible. But our Creator seems to be taking care of business – what with all the tsunamis, earthquakes, tornadoes, and let’s not forget fast food, alcohol and drugs!

      2. Hey Whipping Boy – love your article – I do! Well, when you think of it, our Creator is responsible for everything, according, that is, to the author of Conversations with God – written by Neale Donald Wasch. You should read it. Would love to hear your commentary of that. Serioiusly though, I didn’t mean it that way – I meant that between our Creator and us humans, we seem to be taking care of the business of over population.

    2. Cheryl – Canned hunting I agree is both disgusting and stupid. So is the slaughter process of food animals. Believe it or not I am actually probably a bigger bunny hugger than most of the posters on this page. I do however believ in sustainability first.

  9. Paul : if you know hunting you’ll know there’s serious hunting – like walk and stalk – and then there’s shooting a captive, semi-tame animal in the head from the safety of a vehicle – a lot like shooting your neighbour’s dog over the garden wall. Seriously, which do you suppose the Trump heroes did? And who do you suppose made that possible? Get real.

    1. Paul: I do not eat meat and do not approve of hunting at all. However, I was born in Zimbabwe and I have seen hunters who hunt for food. These are people who shoot with dignity and even though they have killed, they have done it with a measure of respect. The Trump boys went in there with their overblown egos, lording it over the corpses of dead animals with their sick, thoughtless grins. To make matters worse, cutting off the elephants tail as a trophy – and then to justify it as tradition is just sickening. The disrespect with which they hunted is nauseating. What message are they conveying to young minds with their photos? There is no conservationist message in that. What they are teaching is that animals are objects to be killed and vilified at will and have fun while you’re about it. Your argument that hunting benefits conservation rings hollow, precisely because it is an excuse to justify greed. The kind of hunting trip the Trumps embarked on has very little bearing on conservation, rather it is lost in a money motive. Your argument amounts to PR to justify blood sports. And to cite America as an example of an effective hunting/conservation combination is really shooting yourself in the foot. They have done more harm than good – as anyone who has researched their methods would know. Great words from you, but seriously, you are avoiding answering some of the most salient questions. For example, you say that numbers have to be kept down by hunting. On the other hand you also say that nature is perfectly capable of keeping these numbers down naturally. Make up your mind. Not only that, but with this kind of organized hunting, numbers are artificially increased to provide adequate kill for Rednecks such as the Trump boys. Cut the crap, this has nothing to do with conservation – it has to do with justifying indulging rich little boys devoid of substance or ethics in order to make a buck!

      1. The problem with this argument is that its actually not about right and wrong. Its not about facts and figures. Its about emotion and wishy washy feelings that cannot be quantified. People so quickly want to talk about animal cruelty whilst sitting on top of a horse riding the durban july and eating their hamburgers. They want to eat the steak without remembering it was once a cow. Marianne you are obviously excused from this. I bet you sit out on the veranda at night sipping your wine, those poor squashed grapes, and swating the poor helpless mosquitos and flies that you deem to be a nuisance, all the while yourcanary singing ite lonely song from it perch in its cage. Seriously where do you draw the line. I agree thereare ethical and unethical ways of doing things but how can anyone judge when they areresponsible for greater attrocities. The animals killedby these two idiots wer probably stil kiled more humanely than your last steak. Even veggie eaters are to blame. The leading cause of extinction in animals happens to be loss of habitat caused by crop farming. Put that in your pipe you call your conscience and smoke yourself a whole new guilt trip. The botom line as I pointed out earlier in another post is that we have overpopulated this planet and that is thecause of every problem. The only way to return it to true normalsyis to decrease our population. Hunting each other might be the ticket if properly managed ( sick joke but making a point ). Go on youtube and watch a lecture about exponential growth titled aptly ‘the most important video you wil ever watch’ while you are there look for louis theroux on hunting. In the mean time, until a feasable option arises we haveto managethe cause our species has caused and hunting provides the revenue. Its not perfect by any means but it works.

        Marianne – I did not contradict myself. If you would rather watch an entire population of elephants starve to death and extinction due to overpopulation then we need to question who the sick ones really are. The numbers can only self regulate in a natural situation where we do not bundle them into a small are so we can claim thier habitat. Most plains game are naturally migratorybut by making national park and country borders we have ruined that. Letme know a better solution and I wil put it into a proposal for the national parks authority. Maybe you can make history.

        P.S. Please excuse the typos. Typing on a tablet leaves a lot to be desired.

      2. Seriously Paul? Lowering your discourse to platitudes that have no bearing on this discussion? Canaries in cages, and poor, squashed mosquitoes. That is banal and an attempt to evoke those very wishy-washy sentiments you mentioned. On the other hand, the sentiments expressed in most of the letters in this thread, are not wishy-washy. They are ethical considerations. You see, if ethical considerations and conservation are your driving forces, then killing sprees like the gleeful one indulged in by the Trumps wouldn’t have taken place. And I agree with Gordon, if you want to eat meat, you should not hide behind euphemisms – but see, again, there is an ethical consideration there – he hunts for his food – it is not on the same level of the disgusting display by the Trumps.

        As far as animals besides elephants are concerned. A complex relationship exists in nature in which, when prey resources are abundant, predator numbers increase until prey resources wane. When prey numbers decrease, predator numbers diminish as well and so the cycle continues. Who played God before man introduced trophy hunting to “conservation”?

        The situation with elephants is more complex. If you had paid attention, you would notice, I did not condemn hunting in its entirety, even though I am personally against it, what I did condemn was the way this whole trip was exercised – again ethical considerations. Animals are sentient beings, and as such deserve to be treated ethically. However, when their numbers increase to such an extent that they threaten the eco-system or collective, or survival of other species, there may be an ethical reason for reducing their numbers. Can the killing by the Trump idiots be considered ethical, or was the motive here one of money? That is my point. The motive should always be sustainability and ethical considerations – not a gleeful public killing spree, because that in itself damages the very essence of conservation. In addition, when the motive is pure conservation, attempts at finding viable alternatives to culling or trophy hunting, will be stepped up. You would probably know that research is underway to perfect contraception in female elephants and to modulate the behaviour of fertility in bulls with minimal side-effects, with promising results.

        Let’s face it, one of the strongest arguments for hunting – more than overpopulation – is revenue. There are alternatives here too. Sceptical? Well put this in the pipe that feeds your profit motive: Approximately 950 000 people visit the Kruger Park annually sans hunting!

    2. Bev – Lets all do some homework, find out exactly how the hunt went down and get back to each other. Like I said before i don’t condone canned hunting. In Zimbabwe especialy the Matetsi area, its generally walk and stalk hunting. Canned hunting is far more prevalent in South Africa where game is farm bred. Even hunting from a blind is rare in Zimbabwe. Maybe ther was some unethical behaviour going on as it was a South African based hunting operator that led this hunt and a few South African operations have had bad press fo bringing clients in and poaching Zimbabwean game, even rhino on occasion which is completely ilegal in Zimbabwe. If this is the case then its the Huntin operator that should be persecuted not the client. It is the duty of the professionals to ensure an ethical hunt. Zimbabwean hunting led by Zimbabwean hunters is always very profesional and ethical and in line with all the laws. I think its important not to make asumptions, thanks for bringing that to my attention Bev

      1. well well well, things are certainly improving in good ol’ Zimbobwe it seems. Quote Paul “Zimbabwean hunting led by Zimbabwean hunters is always very professional and ethical and in line with all the laws …” How unexpected, to say the very least. I doubt very much (oh, call me a cynic then, go ahead) that these retards did anything remotely resembling a walk & stalk hunt … and I agree that canned hunting operators should be hung, drawn and quartered (after being thoroughly tortured, that is) which that is what you meant, right Paul?

  10. Hi, I hunt but antelope only. Furthermore I hunt 3 times a year and use all the meat.
    People are saying that the procedes from their (Trumps) hunting trip will go to conservation? Bullshit, let me tell you that the out-fitter is making HUGE money out of their trip. I find the killing of leopard, elephant etc shocking to say the least.
    The out-fitters will take people hunting if they are willing to pay the price for whatever they want to shoot. This should and must be stopped otherwise we will have a slaughter on our hands.
    Anyone that is against hunting of antelope should go to an abbatoir and see how traumatized those animals are, then get on their soapbox and scream from the top of the roof tops that meat should be banned. If you eat meat you should have the cahones to hunt it yourself.

  11. The problem with Paul’s argument in Zimbabwe ‘s case is that the majority of hunters up there adopt the attitude that “we might as well slaughter the lot before the blacks do” except they don’t use the term blacks! And most of the foreign exchange that is earned ends up propping up the Mugabe regime. If the Zimbos suffered enough they would overthrow the dictator. But it’s not the whites or pro hunters who are suffering, is it? Thanks to fold like the Trumps who spend there dollars there killing Africa’s wildlife legacy.

  12. We have people seriously putting their lives on line for protecting wildlife and here we have these bastards slaughtering wildlife purely because they have lots of money..Trumps,your bravery would have been appreciated if you dared to take on the BIG 5 in Africa with bare hands.Ofcourse being the born cowards you are,you would have killed these animals with automatic weapons and sitting in protected vehicles.Paul,You and your countrymen should be ashamed to call yourselves “HUMAN BEINGS”….Shame

  13. Can I just chime in and say that even if there was not an overpopulation of wildlife due to overpopulation of humans, this kind of hunting would still occur. Then what would you say, Paul? Then how would you justify it? Hunting in a dignified way for food I can stomach because as someone further up said, if you’re going to eat animal you should at least have the kahunas to hunt it yourself. But hunting for sport? It’s like watching a hanging in the town square. Sick.

  14. I hate, hate, hate and condemn anything to do with killing animals. Coming in late on this debate, feel too nauseated and sick to pend anything else…

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