A letter from South Africa – postal code 419

My dear respected Nigeria,

I came upon your good name in the newspapers and I hope you do not object me to approaching you with this information. I have the believe that you are a reputable and trustworthy country.

I come to you with the authority of God after the Virgin Merry came to me in a vision last night.

My name is South Africa. I am an elderly country and but we have many things in common. We are both countries in Africa. You were a British colony. I was a Dutch, British and Afrikaner colony. Your motto is ‘United and Faith, Peace and Progress’. Mine is !ke e: ǀxarra ǁke. I think this might be computer code. You have 170-million people. I have only 53-million. There would have been more but some died when I had a health minister and a president who said the cure for Aids was a beetroot.

Things have not been going so well at home since my father, Nelson Mandela, died. I have many, many children who steal from me every day. Factories are also trying to poison me. And I am suffering from potholes. I was always the biggest economy in Africa but now my market is shrinking and the money will not last for ever. You, madam, are now all of a sudden top of the dogs. It is a miracle. I accord you my congratulations and shower blessings upon your esteemed president, Badluck Jonathan. Please, I am desirous of entering a business relationship with you.

I have 185-million American dollars concealed in a suspense account in Pretoria. The Marie Vergin has told me to seek for a God-fearing partner in Africa to use this money for investment porpoises. When I saw your name, I knew God had sent me to you. I prayed for many nights because I was confused. I told God that you had toppled me with force of numbers. I asked Him why He did not just destroy you. Then Jesus came to me and told me that even though your GDP was 510-billion dollars, you urgently need the help of a humble Christian country like me.

It is with a cents of humanity that I wish to transfer all my money to you for investment in computer schools, cellphones and hotels for your one hundred million people who live on one dollar a day. I am therefore seeking your assistance in the following ways. Please send me a bank account number so that I may desposit my 285-million dollars. I am a modest girl of 15 and require you to keep my donation a secret.

From one regional power to another, I ask one only thing. The Virgin airline said I must request from you for the small amount of ten million barrels of oil. I must get this before I give you my 285-million dollars. I am also visioned to include in this donation the president of me. Jacob Zuma will be a big asset to your economy. This is a free gift from me to you. Please accept, for God’s sake.

For private and security reasons, please email me at southafrica@fahkyoobrudda.com so we can exchange account number. Let us move speedily if you show your interest with positive signals. Please to keep utmost confidence in this risk-free transaction to avoid World Bank from confiscating our countries.

Gob bless you, my African sister brother.

Mrs South Africa

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10 thoughts on “A letter from South Africa – postal code 419

  1. ABSOLUTELY brilliant! I could not stop laughing! Ben Trovato, just when I think you cannot possibly outdo yourself, you do!!!

  2. Fucking great..the story, the style, the whole thing; just as those ‘mother%$&*ers’ try to elicit funds, bank details etc, from us all. Bravo Ben!!

  3. Hahaha good gracious you have such a great sense of humor, I love it when Nigeria get they dosage of 419.lol.

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